On Honest Advertising. June 25.
Greets y'all I once again managed to find the wee waffle I misplaced inside my not so tidy head. I actually found it in the folder that deals with advertising. How it got there I'll never know. One of life's great mysteries I suppose. Just like the whereabouts of my whatsit at any given time. Talking about advertisements. But you weren't talking about advertisements I hear you cry. You were going to tell us a new waffle. Ach! that may
be, but sorry folks I find my mind drifting towards advertisers.
Do you not think advertisers should be forced to tell the absolute truth about their products? You know the kind of thing...
"This is the new "CAR"... Although we've tagged it the 'Ford Gnu', 'SEAT Sloth' or whatever . It bears absolutly no resemblance to these or any other beastie on the planet. But being as we paid someone a whole load of dosh to come up with the model name, we figured we'd better use it. Like any other car it has four wheels, a steering wheel, an engine and seats. Notwithstanding what we promise faithfully in our shiny brochure and being as we make these promises with our fingers crossed behind our backs. These statements should be considered, dubious at the very least. The engine may, or may not, give the fuel consumption we claim, neither might it produce the, good for the planet, emission levels we stated. As a rule, your new CAR should take you from A to B reliably. Should it not and you find yourself immobile at the side of the road, in a rainstorm in the middle of nowhere. You will need an engineering degree and a lot of luck, just to open the bonnet. When you finally get the bonnet open, you will be presented with an ocean of black/grey plastic, at which you stare blankly and find there is absolutely nothing you can fix at the side of the road. So you mutter regretfully "I should have kept the Cortina and close the bonnet, only to discover the catch won't catch. But this should not be considered the disaster it appears to be. As we, the CAR's manufacturers, are proud to support whole new industries in the form of breakdown insurance and recovery services. So you will need to call one or both of them.
While travelling in your chosen CAR you will find that your vehicle is not really a lot different from any other. The electronics and displays may be a little flashier, but it tells you what you need to know. It tells you how fast you're going, how much fuel you have, the oil and coolant levels. It may even have a rev counter and play music. But anything more than these are just bells and whistles. You will not find yourself enclosed in an environment of happy kids, pleased partners, flashing lights and dynamic sounds. In fact, other than the indicators, flashing lights are something you don't want to see. Neither will you find yourself cruising on a rainbow into the wild blue yonder, wolves will not howl at your passing and passers by will not stare at you as if you were motoring past in the eighth wonder of the modern world.
Lastly when you pick up your shiny new "CAR" you will read the manual and promise to love, honour and obey, in sickness and in health. But to be honest after a few months you will find yourself treating it exactly the same way you treated your previous "CAR". Happy motoring folks and watch out for the elephants.
With regard to the missing waffle I'm afraid I've used all the letters I was going to use in it, in this one. So I'll just have to wait until my letter collection builds up again.
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